The years-long feud between two rival pre-orientation groups is expected to be resolved this semester in an organized turf war. Fitness and Individual Development at Tufts (FIT) and Tufts Wilderness Orientation (TWO), the two pre-o groups based around exercise and physical activities, agreed to the terms of the fight after a days long summit held in the Barnum shower.
The “Shower Summit,” as it is being referred to, is the culmination of years of struggle and incidents between the two groups. Ordinary Tufts students have been bombarded for years by TWO and FIT members flashing gang signs and making loud cries around campus.
The dispute is said to have started in 2017 after a FIT peer leader reportedly called a TWO leader a “tw*g,” a common slur used to belittle outdoors people. In response, TWO members spiked tubs of creatine used by FIT students with laxatives, resulting in numerous avuncular incidents in Carmichael and Miller. The feud escalated even further in 2021 when a student suspected of being an undercover FIT agent attended the TWO orientation wearing a fur suit and “marked his territory” on their tents. The attack backfired after the TWO students failed to notice any difference in smell after being vandalized by the FIT furry.
Another incident occurred in 2024 when someone entered a TWO tent allegedly trying to organize an orgy. The individual, originally suspected of being with FIT, was later found to be unaffiliated with Tufts and is reported as saying, “I thought this was what happened in the Tufts tents.”
In a press conference following the “Shower Summit,” representatives for the groups revealed that they had agreed on a pentathlon to resolve the feud. The Olympic-style competition will showcase five events: a beer mile, a crawfish boil eating race, Turkish oil wrestling, toilet tag, and the ear pull. The Tufts Daily will officiate the competition due to their staunch commitment to impartiality. The winner of the turf war will receive the rights to a circular table in Dewick, a hundred raffle submissions in the annual sex toy giveaway, and the exclusive right to establish a freshman friend group of thirty people and walk around campus together like they know each other.
The Tufts community has been split on the turf war. George Kramer, a freshman involved in SHAPE, was disappointed that he couldn’t personally negotiate a peace deal between the two using the prowess in geopolitics he acquired from skimming the Intro to IR syllabus. TCU Senator Francis Benedict, on the other hand, welcomed the turf war, calling it “a necessary step towards establishing a civilized and orderly campus community.” Benedict notably introduced TCU legislation last spring, calling for the abolition of all pre-orientation programs after being fed up with running into people he kind of knew from his pre-o and not knowing whether to say hello or only give a head nod.