The first three months of college were one of the loneliest times of my life. Coming into a new environment and leaving the connections and community of my friends and family at home was an experience I thought would be exhilarating. But in those months, even when surrounded by the people who would become some of my dearest friends, I still felt deeply alone. During that time, I desperately clung to the idea that what was missing from my university experience was the superficial excitement that was supposed to define college: a life of constant fun and enjoyment. I now realize that what I truly craved was slowly developing around me, a true sense of belonging and community, and the chance to be surrounded by people who truly cared about me.
I wanted to begin with this story because the feeling of loneliness and a general inability to find a sense of connection is something that is both shared by millions of men and is often far more intractable than my freshman year woes. A Gallup poll conducted between 2023 and 2025, found that 25% of American men expressed feeling lonely, while 18% of women reported the same. As a generation of young people who have grown up enwreathed in social media, we are constantly inundated with visions of community and the “ideal life,” while they remain simultaneously out of reach. Though the internet, social media, and modern technology, theoretically allow people to remain connected to others easier than ever before, young men, in particular, struggle to find real senses of community and deep meaningful friendships. Unlike women, who have societally acceptable outlets and sources of emotional expression and support, cultural expectations of stoicism and a lack of emotional literacy among men makes discussions of loneliness even more difficult. This all comes amidst a rising tide of disconnection and isolation.
For men, loneliness is often even more difficult because of an inability to truly contextualize and discuss emotional challenges. Sadness, depression, and disconnection are embedded in the human experience. Despite growing acceptance of these emotions in men, concrete role models of healthy emotional expression are still severely lacking. Cultural expectations often make it difficult for men to ask for help, and male friendships are often less centered around emotional vulnerability and processing of shared struggles. I personally cannot remember the last time I cried in front of my male friends, but I don’t have trouble crying alone. Despite these norms, however, vulnerability among friends actually serves to strengthen these relationships while also reducing feelings of loneliness, according to a study by the University of Virginia.
Many of the barriers of emotional expression manifest themselves as a part of a broader cultural perpetuation of gender norms, as women are taught to be in touch and comfortable with their emotions but often denied the opportunities to be seen as rational or stoic: roles that are typically reserved for men.
Networks of community and friendship among men are also slipping away. According to the American Institute for Boys and Men (ALBIM), percentages of both men and women who feel that they lack close friends have risen considerably since 1990, with patterns among men being more pronounced. With the rise of social media and the internet, connection has transitioned from a physical space to a virtual one, a reality that has caused a decrease in in-person interactions, effects exacerbated by a post COVID-19 world. This digitization has eroded networks of support and friendship.
This lack of space for emotional support is often capitalized on by influencers in spaces like the manosphere, who can ameliorate it with community found through embracing traditional roles of masculinity. Yet to me, digging deeper into the perceptions of gender roles that have perpetuated emotional stagnation and loneliness in the first place can never bring us out of this crisis. Above all, however, the rise of the manosphere can be seen as a cry for any form of community and solidarity increasingly denied to men.
Ultimately, what people want is to be seen. Beyond gender, a lack of social acceptance, more than just social connection, is the root of a growing crisis of loneliness. For men, whose emotions are often difficult to express and whose centers of community and connection have become more decentralized, loneliness is not just a personal struggle but a quiet, society-wide challenge. In an age of technological isolation, so many men crave a sense of true belonging in a community that will see them and accept their feelings and pain as they are. Male loneliness does not need to be seen as a disease or a symptom of weakness. Instead, men need the space to feel that their emotions are not failures, but natural signs of humanity. This can only come at a societal level transformation that works on revitalizing networks of community and support while changing social norms towards emotional vulnerability and acceptance.
Artwork by Nicole Mousad